At last scientists can easily divide the human race into 2 distinct groups; the Avatar lovers and the Av-haters. No prizes for guessing which group I'm in. For James Cameron to say he waited 10 years to make this blue %$^& only makes me shudder to think what he might have thrown at us another 150 years from now. Even rainbow striped people in the Congo jungle is probably a far off guess (hopefully, by then he’ll also have left earth in search of the rare ‘unobtanium’ minerals).
As some critics suggested, if this movie is so good that it sets the tone for future Hollywood movies, then I am going Nollywood - pronto.
Thirty minutes into Avatar and I wondered why I hadn’t brought my 3 year old son along. Another 45 minutes and I realized even my 2 yr. old dogs should have joined the party. You see - with minerals aptly named “unobtanium”, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that they can't be obtained. It was not all gloom and doom though. I have to credit this movie for one thing; and NO - it was not the special effects - because I’ve seen waaaay better on cartoon network. It was for self realization I received. After 2 hours of Avatar, I learnt that BLUE is NOT my favourite colour - even if someone pays 12K (US $6) for me to stare at it for 2-3 hours.
By the way, this movie cannot be highest-grossing-ever because it is a combination of about 10 movies in one. For starters, I’ll only mention Pocahontas, Dances with Wolves and Titanic. If you watch them in that order, you’ll have seen ¾’s of Avatar backwards. For the remaining ¼, just watch a cartoon – any cartoon - and that should do for the supposedly 'mind-blowing' 3D effects. One irritated viewer summed it up for me when he said “Avatar can only be your favourite movie if it’s the 5th movie you’ve watched your entire life.” I beg to differ. Avatar can only be your favourite movie if it‘s the 1st movie you've watched - then you suddenly go blind.
Story: F-
Acting: F--
Direction: Not yet devised a Rating low-enough..
Effects: F
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Saturday, July 11, 2009
WANTED
Kudos to this flick because it’s the only James Mcavoy movie I’ve successfully watched through its entirety. "Atonement" was an adult lullaby and "The Last King of Scotland" is an Oscar winning movie – haven’t stayed awake through any since the beautiful "Crash".
I came to one conclusion - Russians are good at directing the first half of a movie, but they should leave the next half to the veterans. The opening 45 minutes are quite mind blowing. (Spoiler alert) The car sequences are good (see Angelina Jolie picking up Mcavoy in red car) and the movies "Bullet bending theory" was the most original thing I've seen in light of the 'The Matrix's' bullet time.
The story too is believable enough till they bring in that name-cloth-weaver thing. I had tried to suspend my disbelief for a whole hour but the idea of a textile mill determining the fate of individuals was a bit too hard to take. I think it’s because I’d assumed they had a bigger plot than that - till I realized that was all the plot they had.
Back to the ending, this movie gives everything away in the first hour and by the time it’s supposed to reel you in, there’s nothing new for you to see - because you’ve seen it all. In fact the last half is a sort of anticlimax as the action sequences tend to get monotonous. I concluded that without Angie’s help, Mcavoy alone wouldn't have been enough to keep me awake. Oh, and Marc Warren ("Danny Blue" from BBC’s ‘Hustle’ series) makes an appearance. That made my day, or rather first 45 minutes before (another spoiler alert) he's killed off.
Story: D+
Acting: B-
Direction: C+
Effects: B
Overall Rating: C+
I came to one conclusion - Russians are good at directing the first half of a movie, but they should leave the next half to the veterans. The opening 45 minutes are quite mind blowing. (Spoiler alert) The car sequences are good (see Angelina Jolie picking up Mcavoy in red car) and the movies "Bullet bending theory" was the most original thing I've seen in light of the 'The Matrix's' bullet time.
The story too is believable enough till they bring in that name-cloth-weaver thing. I had tried to suspend my disbelief for a whole hour but the idea of a textile mill determining the fate of individuals was a bit too hard to take. I think it’s because I’d assumed they had a bigger plot than that - till I realized that was all the plot they had.
Back to the ending, this movie gives everything away in the first hour and by the time it’s supposed to reel you in, there’s nothing new for you to see - because you’ve seen it all. In fact the last half is a sort of anticlimax as the action sequences tend to get monotonous. I concluded that without Angie’s help, Mcavoy alone wouldn't have been enough to keep me awake. Oh, and Marc Warren ("Danny Blue" from BBC’s ‘Hustle’ series) makes an appearance. That made my day, or rather first 45 minutes before (another spoiler alert) he's killed off.
Story: D+
Acting: B-
Direction: C+
Effects: B
Overall Rating: C+
TRANSPORTER 2
The first of the ‘Transporter’ franchise was simply awesome. Director John Buscemi managed to conjure up an original plot with lots of well choreographed action sequences adequately morphed into 1.5 hours. The lead actor too, Jason Statham, was a revelation at the time (Yeah - I know I know, I hadn’t yet seen the witty 'Snatch' or 'Lock, Stock').
This follow up still delivers on the action but leaves quite a few questions lingering, (spoiler alert) like why the bad guy is actually bad since you never see what he’s done to make him 'The bad guy' or actually know what he is capable of - apart from punching a training bag in a few flashbacks...
The plot here is nothing new. But I watched this movie for the muscle and bullets involved in getting the job done. And for the ladies, it's Statham. Jason Statham. Be forewarned though that the ending is more of a lull after all the engaging scenes witnessed minutes earlier. Credit goes to Jason as he still manages to bring a rabid and ‘Bond’ like persona to the main character while keeping the ladies (at least mine was) glued to his muscle. Oh, and there’s the bad girl to watch out for ! I’m definitely renting Transporter 3.
Story: B-
Acting: B-
Direction: C
Effects: B+
Overall Rating: B-
This follow up still delivers on the action but leaves quite a few questions lingering, (spoiler alert) like why the bad guy is actually bad since you never see what he’s done to make him 'The bad guy' or actually know what he is capable of - apart from punching a training bag in a few flashbacks...
The plot here is nothing new. But I watched this movie for the muscle and bullets involved in getting the job done. And for the ladies, it's Statham. Jason Statham. Be forewarned though that the ending is more of a lull after all the engaging scenes witnessed minutes earlier. Credit goes to Jason as he still manages to bring a rabid and ‘Bond’ like persona to the main character while keeping the ladies (at least mine was) glued to his muscle. Oh, and there’s the bad girl to watch out for ! I’m definitely renting Transporter 3.
Story: B-
Acting: B-
Direction: C
Effects: B+
Overall Rating: B-
IRON MAN
I clapped (hushly) – when I saw the credits roll for this flick. If you watched Iron Man and liked it even for 10 minutes, please don’t read any further.
I just said please don't read any further!! Ok, since you insist: For a movie that promises on so much, it delivers very little. I was happy that for once, I’d made the right choice and not watched this piece of metallic scrap at the cinema. After numerous soul searching, I conclude that the story’s truthfulness to the comic was its undoing. In doing so, one and a half hours pass you by before you start seeing any credible action. I mean they didnt have to focus so much on the origins, else they would have aptly named it Iron Man: Origings. And when the action finally came, it felt like medication – two doses once a month..
I’ve never really enjoyed Iron Man in the comics and toons and while this movie was not made to change my perception of the guy, I blame myself for thinking it would. You see, Iron Man’s one of those guys who’re actually not mutants, just a normal guy like me who suit’s up in metal gear. (I know some one will argue that he has that heart/energy thingy on his chest but the movie revealed it to be a weakness!)
On the plus side, I’m sure I-M 2 will be way better now that they’re done with this Tony Stark to Iron Man transformation story and I expect to see lots and lots of action.
Story: C+
Acting: C
Direction: D+
Effects: B
Overall Rating: C-
I just said please don't read any further!! Ok, since you insist: For a movie that promises on so much, it delivers very little. I was happy that for once, I’d made the right choice and not watched this piece of metallic scrap at the cinema. After numerous soul searching, I conclude that the story’s truthfulness to the comic was its undoing. In doing so, one and a half hours pass you by before you start seeing any credible action. I mean they didnt have to focus so much on the origins, else they would have aptly named it Iron Man: Origings. And when the action finally came, it felt like medication – two doses once a month..
I’ve never really enjoyed Iron Man in the comics and toons and while this movie was not made to change my perception of the guy, I blame myself for thinking it would. You see, Iron Man’s one of those guys who’re actually not mutants, just a normal guy like me who suit’s up in metal gear. (I know some one will argue that he has that heart/energy thingy on his chest but the movie revealed it to be a weakness!)
On the plus side, I’m sure I-M 2 will be way better now that they’re done with this Tony Stark to Iron Man transformation story and I expect to see lots and lots of action.
Story: C+
Acting: C
Direction: D+
Effects: B
Overall Rating: C-
X MEN – THE LAST STAND
And also the LAST Time – you’ll catch me watching a Bret Ra..*& directed movie. I was sooo pissed with the director that I will refrain from typing out his full name.
Rush Hour was great but that is all this guy should ever been given to direct. I won’t even go into analysing the cliche laden script for this movie because then I’ll need another blog. The whole movie felt Rush-ed (pun intended) with so much crammed into so little. (Spoiler alert) The Dark Phoenix saga was enough to keep 3 movies going on their own. And Wolverine killing the Phoenix! Never been, Never has, and Never will happen. Not in this universe nor Marvel's.
I kept glancing at my watch hoping that the time left was enough to salvage the movie with some memorable lines and fight sequences; but I just got more exasperated as time dragged on. If you’re a loyal fan of the first two Singer movies, please steer clear of this mambo jumble. Only those who’ve never read the comics, seen the Fox cartoons, or watched X1 & 2 would be entertained. I actually saw a review with a very good idea… Cyclops wakes up at the beginning of the next film saying, “I just had the craziest dream.”
To sum it up, X Men the Last Stand was 2 and a half hours of my life that I’ll never get back - plus 11K ($6) wasted. Infact I had a date; make that $12.
Story: E
Acting: C
Direction: E
Effects: D
Overall Rating: D-
Rush Hour was great but that is all this guy should ever been given to direct. I won’t even go into analysing the cliche laden script for this movie because then I’ll need another blog. The whole movie felt Rush-ed (pun intended) with so much crammed into so little. (Spoiler alert) The Dark Phoenix saga was enough to keep 3 movies going on their own. And Wolverine killing the Phoenix! Never been, Never has, and Never will happen. Not in this universe nor Marvel's.
I kept glancing at my watch hoping that the time left was enough to salvage the movie with some memorable lines and fight sequences; but I just got more exasperated as time dragged on. If you’re a loyal fan of the first two Singer movies, please steer clear of this mambo jumble. Only those who’ve never read the comics, seen the Fox cartoons, or watched X1 & 2 would be entertained. I actually saw a review with a very good idea… Cyclops wakes up at the beginning of the next film saying, “I just had the craziest dream.”
To sum it up, X Men the Last Stand was 2 and a half hours of my life that I’ll never get back - plus 11K ($6) wasted. Infact I had a date; make that $12.
Story: E
Acting: C
Direction: E
Effects: D
Overall Rating: D-
DEJAVU
Being able to watch this movie throughout its entirety is one great example of human resilience. Put simply, what I saw was a warped science fiction movie as twisted and convoluted as the minds of its creators. Watching Dejavu reminded me of the school days when I was still fascinated by all the primary level science that I was learning.
Dejavu, for its strong title, is only salvaged by Denzel’s committed showing and Val Kilmer’s albeit minimal appearance (he’s been on leave since like 2005!).
The beginning is as promising as an Initial Public Offering but as the movie unravels, and you get to realize where it’s all going, all hell breaks loose with (spoiler alert) theories about looking back in time, etc…
If you’re looking for anything close to the word 'Dejavu', this movie is neither it nor is that cinema the place - to find it.
Don't get me wrong though - It’s still better than many sci-fi wannabes being rolled out of late (see ‘Jumper’). Infact now that I think of it, what kept me going were the special effects reminiscent of Jerry Bruckheimer flicks ('Bad boys II', 'Kangaroo Jack'). Come to think of it, maybe the human brain isn’t that resilient after all since there were some good effects...
Story: C-
Acting: C
Direction: C-
Effects: B-
Overall Rating: C-
Dejavu, for its strong title, is only salvaged by Denzel’s committed showing and Val Kilmer’s albeit minimal appearance (he’s been on leave since like 2005!).
The beginning is as promising as an Initial Public Offering but as the movie unravels, and you get to realize where it’s all going, all hell breaks loose with (spoiler alert) theories about looking back in time, etc…
If you’re looking for anything close to the word 'Dejavu', this movie is neither it nor is that cinema the place - to find it.
Don't get me wrong though - It’s still better than many sci-fi wannabes being rolled out of late (see ‘Jumper’). Infact now that I think of it, what kept me going were the special effects reminiscent of Jerry Bruckheimer flicks ('Bad boys II', 'Kangaroo Jack'). Come to think of it, maybe the human brain isn’t that resilient after all since there were some good effects...
Story: C-
Acting: C
Direction: C-
Effects: B-
Overall Rating: C-
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